Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in lonebutterfly's LiveJournal:

Friday, January 7th, 2005
2:20 pm	so tired. living on my own with maisy. goin good. though i work too much... (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
2:42 am	ok in rochester with the cous _dragonstar... i'm pretty damn drunk right now. not a regular drinker. wow. can't see straight. met her "boy" tonight. hes cute, i gave him my permission to be with her. she should feel lucky that i did. he isn't my guy, but hes good for her. really. he makes her smile... ugh can't type. seeing 5 of everything. she says im done...was gonna go on about the guy...but cant see straight...ill post more when 7 t's aren't staring back at me from the keyboard... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 7th, 2004
9:26 am	things with the guy going ok. ive decided to detach myself from him slightly, to save myself. thinking, wondering if he even wants to be with me, but at the same time i konw that if he didnt want to be with me that he wouldn't. i know he loves me, and he's just afraid of it, as i am. i guess the difference between the two of us is that im tired of being scared, and he denies it completely. oh well. im sick of running, and i know i wanna be with him so im just ...i dont know. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
3:38 pm	Ok so I decided since I can't write in an actual journal anymore, that this will have to do. My life is too complicated. Have a guy, and he's great. Problem- I'm sick of the hot and cold bullshit. Very sick of it. He's the first guy I haven't cheated on, and that in its self is weird. I think I'm falling into this depression, and I hate it because I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be miserable. It only drags everyone down. I think maybe I'm afraid of being happy. Is there such a thing as fear of happiness? Who the hell knows. Anyway told the guy how I felt, and he kinda freaked out, but he told me a few weeks before tht he was falling in love with me, so I don't know what the hell is going on with that. He confuses me. Like he tells me that he loves my daughter and that he gets this surge of happiness that runs through his body when she calls him daddy (and I hate it when she says that because I really don't hate it at all) and then he asks if I can get a baby sitter. I think he feels the same way I do. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of the fact that I can see forever in his eyes, and I can envision myself sharing his last name. I thought that I was numb to love, and it scares me to realize that I'm not. It scares me a lot... (Comment on this)